I told you that was my goodbye.
I’m freeing myself from all the remains of contradicting fantasies.
You said you will never forget what I did.
And that you will never forgive~
I chose not to tell you I’m flattered.
In your hatred,
In your antipathy,
It seems you will always remember me.
We do things
sometimes because we hope
the good karma of love
would side us,
and reward our self-sacrifice.
“I fucking hate you
I hate you
I hate you with a passion
You are an idiot a fucking idiot!!!!
You are worthless
You are an idiot…you are an idiot!!!!!!!!!
Disgusting…you were nothing to me. You are a dummy… You are a slut, a whore. I have no respect for you. You were only going to be a vacation girlfriend that I would have fucked once then ditched afterwards.”
Appalled, she sat there in silence.
And took all the affliction in.
She’d be healed.
One day, she won’t remember.
What does it mean to live when one cannot live to love?
Today is the day I have completely lost my motivation.
With over 20 articles to write and more than 300 remaining slots to open, here I am determined to procrastinate. But I hope to cheer myself up so I am downloading McDonald’s App and thinking of ordering quarter pounder and French fries. I am also thinking of drinking 16 oz Coke not from the value meal but from my aunt’s fridge. I have had 3 cups of coffee but the caffeine isn’t helping. My annoyance grows. I have my period, yes, but I don’t want to think my hormones have anything to do with this exasperation.
Something happened yesterday. And I just wish to forget. I wish to fill my mouth with ketchup and French fries and the juicy burger.
I’d be fine tomorrow.
Has your world turned over?
Has the ache lessened?
Lie to my face.
Help me fight this self-destructive urge.
PHOTO BY Jamie Street
I want to travel back to the time you didn’t matter. I want to go back to the height of winter when my heart imploded for a different pain and my frustration cured itself…
Photo from Unsplash